Showing posts with label Fuckwad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fuckwad. Show all posts
Friday, July 26, 2013
Fuckwad's Cheesy (Fondue) Fond Adieu Flounce
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Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Every Time a Mod Dings a Fuckwad Gets His Wings
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Monday, August 22, 2011
Good Times on gV
High stakes too.
Cato Badger, not to be confused with Caitlin Tobias, is currently engaged in a semantics battle with Dakota Cody over whether the Badger always says "its not always malevolence but occasionally incompetence."
Cato Badger said:
Dakota Cody said:
And so on for twelve more posts and two pages with no end currently in sight.
Take a look at the choice of insult being bandied about between the two.
Caitlin Tobias, for her part, is currently passing tout like a battle ship in the argumentative night, just missing each other over some long not-lost and not-forgotten SLF forum grudge that involved, you guessed it, Pep. Much of this is going on in, of all places, the "gV Unofficial Useless Statistics" thread opened by Lias.
Just prior to all that the argument over who can lay claim to the forum use of "I'll be your Huckleberry" raised it's shaky head again. Lias continues to support her gV claim and Grady's SC MKII banner claim. Fuckwad's first use of it on the Utherforums remains largely uncontested, though Maryanne feels she used it more and there may be a higher claim in that. Which has more weight? First usage or amount of usage? I went off-forum in pointing out the 1993 usage in the movie "Tombstone" and Pep took us to 1900 with his blog post on the subject.
Jolene and Lias have been arguing over who is stalking who. I'm not even gonna link ya. It's all over the place.
Remember these blog posts?
gV Drama...It started with a little thread about desktop images.
gV Drama...It started with a little thread about desktop images. (Part II)
And this thread on gV? "What Computer Desktop Image Do You Use?"
Well you can get new episodes in these threads:
"Reddit pervs and pedos put paid to: no more Loli for you"
"2 or 3 Lollies, cosplay and circumstance."
Enjoy.
Wasted is back again shilling for his own forum and going on about how, yep, you guessed it, "The SL Related Forums Positively Suck." He's also been going through a heart-wrenching roller coaster ride in his relationship with Lias. All he can do now is stand back and trust that she is doing the right thing.
Did I mention that ew0k made a brief and nearly forgettable visit to gV? Yes? No? Oh well, never mind.
"Forum Feedback" is back! Current discussion? The alt policy and an opt-out feature. Funnily enough, the "legal threats/actions, death threats, etc" thread also sprang back to life.
nina said:
Lias said:
Maryanne and Pants got a little overwhelmed.
Pants said:
Maryanne said:
masonboob lover got booted and banned for being underage while forum whoring and perving the "Naughty" thread.
masonboob lover said:
It appears Bunnie got both her groove and her forum avatar back as the Spam can is gone.
Speaking of Bunnie, the latest post in the "Standing invitation for SCMK-II and SLU People who have an axe to grind....." thread is this one:
Bunnie said:
And this helpful quote and link from the changeling operating Mitch Wexler's avatar at present*:
*Mitch used to have a bit of a tendency to prompt other posters to say JFGI on the screen, under their breath and/or in their minds, so I have no idea who this Googling, surfing, quoting, linking fool operating his avatar now is or what has happened to Mitch. It's what prompted me to say this in gV earlier. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
Fine print: "Fool" here is meant playfully as someone doing a lot of something with a certain amount of abandon, not an unintelligent jerk.
Ooh, look. A philosophy forum.
mickthinks said:
ETA4: A link to a list of gV posts with the most "likes."
ETA5:
nina said:
ETA6: Snapper is back.
ETA7:
Cato Badger said:
Cato Badger said:
ETA8: Poor Saffy Pants. We're going to drive her mad at this rate. See here. Hey, this is why I pick a name and a forum pic (and even a color) and stick with it. ;)
Cato Badger, not to be confused with Caitlin Tobias, is currently engaged in a semantics battle with Dakota Cody over whether the Badger always says "its not always malevolence but occasionally incompetence."
Cato Badger said:
"As I always say its not always malevolence but occasionally incompetence."
Dakota Cody said:
"Liar. This is the first time I've ever seen you say that."
And so on for twelve more posts and two pages with no end currently in sight.
Take a look at the choice of insult being bandied about between the two.
"You are HumptyDumptying."
Caitlin Tobias, for her part, is currently passing tout like a battle ship in the argumentative night, just missing each other over some long not-lost and not-forgotten SLF forum grudge that involved, you guessed it, Pep. Much of this is going on in, of all places, the "gV Unofficial Useless Statistics" thread opened by Lias.
Just prior to all that the argument over who can lay claim to the forum use of "I'll be your Huckleberry" raised it's shaky head again. Lias continues to support her gV claim and Grady's SC MKII banner claim. Fuckwad's first use of it on the Utherforums remains largely uncontested, though Maryanne feels she used it more and there may be a higher claim in that. Which has more weight? First usage or amount of usage? I went off-forum in pointing out the 1993 usage in the movie "Tombstone" and Pep took us to 1900 with his blog post on the subject.
Jolene and Lias have been arguing over who is stalking who. I'm not even gonna link ya. It's all over the place.
Remember these blog posts?
gV Drama...It started with a little thread about desktop images.
gV Drama...It started with a little thread about desktop images. (Part II)
And this thread on gV? "What Computer Desktop Image Do You Use?"
Well you can get new episodes in these threads:
"Reddit pervs and pedos put paid to: no more Loli for you"
"2 or 3 Lollies, cosplay and circumstance."
Enjoy.
Wasted is back again shilling for his own forum and going on about how, yep, you guessed it, "The SL Related Forums Positively Suck." He's also been going through a heart-wrenching roller coaster ride in his relationship with Lias. All he can do now is stand back and trust that she is doing the right thing.
Did I mention that ew0k made a brief and nearly forgettable visit to gV? Yes? No? Oh well, never mind.
"Forum Feedback" is back! Current discussion? The alt policy and an opt-out feature. Funnily enough, the "legal threats/actions, death threats, etc" thread also sprang back to life.
nina said:
"sockpuppeting generally means using an alt to agree with your own arguments or team up with yourself against an adversary. or perhaps even using the alt to agree with an adversary and align with them using a strawman argument or otherwise trying to discredit their argument via 'guilt by association'.
rorting the trophy system is just that. using an alt to like your own posts to inflate trophy points and such."
"i have been contemplating the idea of having two opt-out options. one option to opt out of nsfw and another to opt out of sfw. if one opted out of either they wouldnt see any trace of any forum with that classification."
Lias said:
"I only did that to try to get normal functionality so I could like other's posts, select a mood, make an album and do some other updates.
If people could register a new account as an alt account and it could be given normal functionality immediately then that would be helpful."
Maryanne and Pants got a little overwhelmed.
Pants said:
"Oh dear, i cannot sort the CaTos and the catos and the Caitys. Who are the bad guys? I need to know"
"me groans. Ok just tell me who to Like please"
Maryanne said:
"Wait....
You have a manifesto?!?
I gotta quit skipping meetings."
masonboob lover got booted and banned for being underage while forum whoring and perving the "Naughty" thread.
masonboob lover said:
"ha ha very funny im 12 years old bitch and my iq is prolly on the up side of 110"What is the up side of 110?
It appears Bunnie got both her groove and her forum avatar back as the Spam can is gone.
Speaking of Bunnie, the latest post in the "Standing invitation for SCMK-II and SLU People who have an axe to grind....." thread is this one:
Bunnie said:
"After hiding out for I don't recall how long, I see Don Mill is Bulldick! posted over on SLU. Must be looking for someone else to file a suit on. Cristiano better watch his step!Last, but not least, consider enjoying a few drinks in the Saloon. You'll need 'em."
ETA: In addition to the "gV Unofficial Useless Statistics" thread started less than 24 hours ago, we now have a new companion thread complete with detailed scorecard graphic courtesy of Lias. "Absolutely Useless Unofficial gV Statistics"
ETA2: This one is from Earth in the "Absolutely Useless Unofficial gV Statistics" thread.
ETA3: The Badger explains "Humptydumptying."
"Humptydumptying means claiming to use a word in a particular way that is not the way in which it is usually perceived to be used like using say when nothing has been voiced or in forums when you have been caught using the wrong word like prosperity rather than posterity at which point you attempt to claim the moral high ground by saying that everyone knew what you meant and that it was only a bunch of letters with spaces on each end anyway and english is not a fixed language and if enough people use a word wrongly it becomes accepted usage and anyway english is not my first language and how many languages do you speak anyway and you are discriminating against me because I am a foreigner and I am a professor of linguistics in my own country and am an international soccer referee and can say penalty in sixteen different languages."
And this helpful quote and link from the changeling operating Mitch Wexler's avatar at present*:
"There is the problem of humptydumptying, whereby a person gives an unusual and private meaning to a word with a more common and public definition and thus causes unnecessary confusion."
*Mitch used to have a bit of a tendency to prompt other posters to say JFGI on the screen, under their breath and/or in their minds, so I have no idea who this Googling, surfing, quoting, linking fool operating his avatar now is or what has happened to Mitch. It's what prompted me to say this in gV earlier. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
Fine print: "Fool" here is meant playfully as someone doing a lot of something with a certain amount of abandon, not an unintelligent jerk.
Ooh, look. A philosophy forum.
mickthinks said:
"Lewis Carroll had Humpty Dumpty say 'Words mean what I want them to mean'."
ETA4: A link to a list of gV posts with the most "likes."
ETA5:
nina said:
"a thread is nothing more than an initial post."
ETA6: Snapper is back.
ETA7:
Cato Badger said:
"You know what that reminds me of? This might annoy you though, but still: there was like a "movement" a little while ago, where homosexuals wanted to start calling themselves "Gays" rather than homosexuals because homosexual had too negative of a connotation or something. Well this caused a lot of consternation, because using the word "gay" to describe someone colloquially means you're calling them gay, and trying to refer to homosexuals exclusively as "gays" implied that they were gay to the exclusion of those who were not "gay". They tried arguing it, like "but gay is a noun!", but everyone knew it wasn't, and eventually that silliness just kind of became accepted because otherwise the homosexuals would have complained of homophobic discrimination.
Pep (And so we lost a good meaningful word.)"
Cato Badger said:
"Did you like it because I thought that since I have been posting like Pep and everybody has been suggesting I was Pep I would give everyone ammunition to point to in days to come to prove I was Pep.
Pep (Did it strike the right sort of resonant chord???)"
ETA8: Poor Saffy Pants. We're going to drive her mad at this rate. See here. Hey, this is why I pick a name and a forum pic (and even a color) and stick with it. ;)
Friday, August 12, 2011
gV Drama...It started with a little thread about desktop images. (Part II)
Here's an update on the "What Computer Desktop Image Do You Use?" thread on gV.
A new poster personality, Rudolph Ukka, made an appearance on gV (SLF and FC too) and caused some alt hunting, natch, before one of the planets orbited him.
Rudi said:
Lias responded:
colleen was accused of Donning the thread (as in posting like Don Mills, not actually wearing the thread).
A discussion about the merits of the individual sartorial styles of both colleen and Lias ensued nonetheless.
A discussion about the merits and significance of high post and like counts ensued.
Storm entered the fray and stirred things up managing to both publicize FC and draw Jolene's rapt attention in the process, which inevitably led to a rehash of the Seicher Rae-Ima-Willem brouhaha on FC and even a little of the Jolene-Jumpman-Wasted debacle and many more posts and pages. Lain's Larry was mentioned. Fuckwad too. Even Gnat was invoked. Scylla too, natch. And of course, the more current drama surrounding the rumor that the Ts are, in fact, our own Storm and Venus. Ima finally sorted out her password problems and jumped into the mud with everyone else. If you haven't posted or been mentioned in this thread yet, you might want to call your publicist.
Storm said:
Mitch threw spaghetti at the wall.
Mary and I reminisced about my Candy Tetris quest.
GradyE bucked the thread trend and posted a desktop image with a subtle little plug for Mulch's new Feted Inner Hangout forum. I've already been instructed not to call it "fetid."
![[IMG]](http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6080/6034704550_f7d2aa39f7_b.jpg)
colleen may have summed up the thread best when she said:
Links:
http://direct.gotvirtual.net/community/threads/what-computer-desktop-image-do-you-use.2342/page-16
http://leeherevw.blogspot.com/2011/08/gv-dramait-started-with-little-thread.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/08/newbie-troll-of-week-rudolph-ukka.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/08/gv-in-uproar-over-immy-images.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/
http://fetedinnerhorde.com/forums/
Oh, and Harvey wants y'all to see this.
ETA: Isakk Hunt has joined us on gV.
A new poster personality, Rudolph Ukka, made an appearance on gV (SLF and FC too) and caused some alt hunting, natch, before one of the planets orbited him.
Rudi said:
"I saw this fucking thread written about in LeeHeres blog so I singed up to come and say that you are a bunch of fucking pussywhipped morons leading a fucking wimp of a fucking owner by the nose becuase Immy has not been proved to break any laws not even the rules of this fucking forum. Immy has got an infraction becuase she did something against the kultur of this forum or at least the kultur of the most vocal fucking morons here. You suggest that fucking Lucifer over in fucking SCII has stated that cartoon lolis are illegal in his country but you dont even know what fucking country he lives in. Is it Ireland England or fucking Scotland. And what are you going to do if I tell you that fucking lolcatz are fucking illegal in fucking Tristan Da Cunha? Does that mean that you all have to promise to stop posting fucking pictures of fucking lolcatz or even links to sites that have fucking lolcatz. And get rid of all the fucking posts in this forum that have fucking lolcatz in them. Rudi"Charming, eh?
Lias responded:
"LeeHere has a blog? How frightening."Pep said on FC:
"Pep (is surprised Rudi's posts are still up in the official forum; are the mods there confused about whether his posts have already been moderated?)"Which is all the more humorous both if you know the current moderation practices on SLF and if you've seen Rudi's posts there.
colleen was accused of Donning the thread (as in posting like Don Mills, not actually wearing the thread).
A discussion about the merits of the individual sartorial styles of both colleen and Lias ensued nonetheless.
A discussion about the merits and significance of high post and like counts ensued.
Storm entered the fray and stirred things up managing to both publicize FC and draw Jolene's rapt attention in the process, which inevitably led to a rehash of the Seicher Rae-Ima-Willem brouhaha on FC and even a little of the Jolene-Jumpman-Wasted debacle and many more posts and pages. Lain's Larry was mentioned. Fuckwad too. Even Gnat was invoked. Scylla too, natch. And of course, the more current drama surrounding the rumor that the Ts are, in fact, our own Storm and Venus. Ima finally sorted out her password problems and jumped into the mud with everyone else. If you haven't posted or been mentioned in this thread yet, you might want to call your publicist.
Storm said:
"FORUM CONFIDENTIAL killed Mulch. Stayed tune for details."Storm said:
"I have a question for this forum, or anybody who is reading this thread: how many alts do you think it will take to put out the fire that Jolene started on this thread? I say 4."Jolene said:
"I just vehemently will fight his little games to get his blog posted anywhere."LeeHere said:
"Well, I guess Storm is the Donnie Deutsch Trump of the SL-circuit then. I want to see a reality machinima next."colleen said:
"I do see, but .....just like IRL The Enquirer ....wants to know. Headlines gotta come from somewhere. huh"nina weighed in on Immy's links.
"i dont have much of an issue with the link personallynina finally got around to asking colleen and Lias about their falling out.
that being said, it could be interpreted as a violation of the community standards, so mercury was right to infract imo."
"i must have missed something...LeeHere said:
i thought you two were mates?"
"Jeebus, but you are behind. Still not reading your own forum?"nina said:
"i am aware that they havent gotten on for a while now, but this is the first i have asked about it."Bladyblue (Lias) made an appearance.
Mitch threw spaghetti at the wall.
Mary and I reminisced about my Candy Tetris quest.
GradyE bucked the thread trend and posted a desktop image with a subtle little plug for Mulch's new Feted Inner Hangout forum. I've already been instructed not to call it "fetid."
colleen may have summed up the thread best when she said:
"Christ its like a nightmare that never ends."
Links:
http://direct.gotvirtual.net/community/threads/what-computer-desktop-image-do-you-use.2342/page-16
http://leeherevw.blogspot.com/2011/08/gv-dramait-started-with-little-thread.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/08/newbie-troll-of-week-rudolph-ukka.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/08/gv-in-uproar-over-immy-images.html
http://slconfidential.blogspot.com/
http://fetedinnerhorde.com/forums/
Oh, and Harvey wants y'all to see this.
ETA: Isakk Hunt has joined us on gV.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Tongue-in-Cheek Rules for Forum Posters
This started with a thread challenge in RLetc.com.
"#1 rule.. Don't Post in the Bitch whine and Moan thread 30 seconds after you post in the Just Freaking Happy Thread!!!" - Mitch Wexler
"#2 rule..... If you don't understand a thread.....stand back from the keyboard until someone else posts to clear up your confusion..." - Mitch Wexler
Then I decided it looked like fun and I ran away with it.
Forum Rule # 91834746
Always assume posters WANT mediation. Assume they want it from you most of all. Every poster is secretly wishing for a forum Jimmy Carter to wade into the fray. Your successful negotiation of a refund from Subway Sandwich last week does qualify you to negotiate peace among 50 posters engaged in an 18-month forum feud. Dive right in!
Forum Rule # 91834747
Always assume all posters have some legal expertise. Assume you have legal expertise or knowledge too. Mention it with some frequency. Be sure to threaten legal action at least once per quarter. Under no circumstances should you acknowledge the potential silliness of a case that might be called DoubleJointedSexManiac v. DickSeekingDDTitFuck in an open court, nor the irony of a case that might be called SecretAvi v. Anonymouse.
Forum Rule # 91834748
Remember that it is perfectly acceptable to calll a felow poster a cunt or two question the mental capacity, sanity, sexual or religious preference, or quality of genitalia, of any fellow forum poster, but it is absolutely NOT acceptable too gently point out a typo or request that a thread title be edited to correct a misspelling. Keep your edits to yourself, thank you very much, ya fucking cuntrottedasstart.
Forum Rule # 91834749
Any post that is more than two sentences or twenty-five words long is suspect and should be met with one of the following responses:
1. Say what?
2. I didn't read that. (tl;dr)
3. Nanny-nanny boo-boo
4. Neener-neener
5. Cunt
Forum Rule # 91834750
Good posting comes in threes...just like blind mice and sneezes. Gesundheit!
Forum Rules # 748 - 803
You know you're a forum whore when...
http://www.utherverse.com/Forum/defa...869#post544869
http://thearchivisthere.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-know-youre-forum-whore-when.html
Forum Rule # 3
Polls without pie are incomplete and invalid.
Forum Rule # 6
Trolls before whores.
Forum Rule # 4
Lurking is for pussies. No stake-outs. No getting the lay of the land. Throw caution to the wind, you madcap blowhard. Dive right in. The water's fine and the sharks have chewed through the chum.
Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my head
Where ever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home
Forum Rule # 13
There's no crying in baseball or forum posting.
Forum Rule # 21
Everyone sees reason eventually. Just keep reading and posting.
Forum Rule # 198487
The moderators are here to keep the forums unsafe, insane, and insecure. If they ask you to do something, please do give it a moment's thought before completely ignoring it. Please do harass and intentionally annoy the mods. Please also feed them, take photos of them and stick fingers and sticks between the bars into their cages. Make faces at them too. Use baby talk when communicating with mods. Be wary of flying pooh flung in your direction. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to post here continuously like an obsessed idiot with no other choices.
Forum Rule # 3983269-2
Keep in mind that everybody on the forums has to see your sig file over and over every time you post. Make optimal use of this forum billboard. Make your sig file at least 60k in size with no less than three lengthy quotes of text. Use images larger than 400 pixels wide and 125 pixels high. Something schmaltzy, like a scene of you and your loved one getting it on is preferred. Add pizazz with rainbows, butterflies, hearts and glitter text. If it looked good on your Trapper notebook in the 7th grade, then it will be perfect in your siggy.
Forum Rule # 485716
You must choose a cause and defend it vigorously at every opportunity. The more obscure the better. Perhaps you'd like to support the indigenous people of Alaska and Canada, for example. Make sure you spell it "esquimaux" and not "eskimo" and watch hawkishly to ensure that others do as well. Correct those that spell it incorrectly and ask that they make a donation to an esquimaux housing fund. Post a quote or slogan with a picture or graphic representing your cause. Read forum posts carefully and protest with as much umbrage as you can generate in text indicating your outrage over people's intolerance and insensitivity when they blithely post words like "cool, cold, ice, igloo, blubber, fat, fur, polar, native and Indian." Express utter disbelief at the ignorance of people unaware of the plight, let alone location, of the Aleut, Inuit and Yupik groups. Agree with whatever JJ graciously & knowledgeably posts regarding esquimaux. (She is a Canadian, after all.) Design an esquimauxhawk and shirts for your avatar. Make sure your designs are included in your public 3D closet. When taking time off from the forums, explain your absence with heartfelt descriptions of your travels and your time helping to clothe, feed and shelter esquimaux in need. Thank anyone who acknowledges your efforts with flowery appreciation. Remind anyone who calls you a "cunt" of your work with the esquimaux.
Forum Rule # 4827
Chose an avatar or forum poster name from the Urban Dictionary. It could be something like "mantrum," "Gluntford" or "jfgi". When someone comments on it or jokes about it, make up a tragic story about how you chose that name to honor your brother/sister/cousin/spouse/left testicle who was killed/maimed/traumatized/torn off in a war, crime or horrific accident. Make sure you use the right ratio of both anger and sadness in your post. Go for as much guilt as possible. The goal is to render the other posters speechless and stop the thread cold. And to enjoy the discomfort you are causing everyone. Natch. Consider ways to capitalize on this fictional bomb in future threads. If you really want to take it to the next level, create an account for your fictional, heroic brother/sister/cousin/spouse/left testicle.
"<goes to create an account for "FuckWad's Left Nut"...>" - Fuckwad
Forum Rule # 4827a
Forum Rule # 4827b
Mention some aspect of your character, personality or behavior frequently yourself, but flame anyone else who mentions it and show absolutely no inkling of the ridiculousness of that on a public forum where your post count is past triple digits. If you tend to post drunk a lot, for example, mention it every third post and point out that the alcohol is probably why so many of your posts are ditzy or hyperemotional. It should go a little like this. Post. Alcohol. Post. Alcohol. Post. Alcohol. Oopsies. I posted a silly cuz I was tipsy. Oopsies. Wuuut? Ooopsies. Hee. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CALLING ME A DRUNK, YOU CONDESCENDING, JUDGMENTAL LOWLIFE SHUT-IN SHITHEAD!?! Develop a whole persona around that. The fun will last for years and you can always upgrade to chapter two, recovery and redemption, if you get bored.
Forum Rule # 328975
You automatically gain ground, credibility and sympathy when you pull a sick or hurt friend, relative or self into a forum argument from left field. People employ this tactic often for a reason. Don't let cynicism, saturation, or even actual facts get in the way of employing this time-honored stratagem. Everyone needs a Bunbury sometime.
Forum Rule # 298372
People have short memories. It is absolutely not necessary to go to the trouble of keeping continuity notes or changing avatar or poster names when you change your mind, character, picture, story or what-have-you. Just plow on through. People will roll with you. And if they don't, well then you have an opportunity for umbrage. Bonus!
Forum Rule # 88176
Falling again under the heading "people have short memories," don't feel any pressure to be original in your thinking or posting. There is no "decent interval" to wait between posting something that is basically a rip-off of someone else's argument, post or thread. It's the forums, for heaven's sake. Everything is public and fair game. Anything that smacks of plagiarism or imitation is actually flattery and efficiency. "Yeah, what she said," "nanny, nanny, boo, boo," "You're a troll," "I know you are, but what am I?" are all legitimate, and in some circles, witty retorts.
Forum Rule # 32
An indiscriminate and prodigious use of the word "cunt" will be routinely well-received and may even have charms that calm the savage poster.
Forum Rule # 4.5a
The crazier the better.
Forum Rule # 4937
If you have less than 45 forum account names, then you are doing it wrong. Don't forget to have your accounts talk to each other in threads. Your multiple selves and imaginary friends are the best and most loyal friends you have...after all, blood is thicker than water and your own blood is thickest of all..wait...that's not quite...Well, you get the idea.
Forum Rule # 5658
A public huff is sexy stuff.
Forum Rule # 6585
Tried and True Troll Tactics
A problem with a trolls in the forums
Forum Rule # 666
After you have bored or frustrated any and all posters who had any electrical activity pulsing through their brains right out the door and onto other forums with slightly more humor and rational content, be sure to a) compliment yourself on your success and powah and b) invoke their names with the same obsessive, self-righteous, attention-seeking, shallow, bottom-feeding whinyness you employed when those posters still frequented what is now your sad little sandbox.
Make no effort at any futile self-reflection that might lead you to realize that the true power lies with those who had a) the intelligence, common sense and wherewithal to abandon the obnoxious troll baby and it's toxic sandbox and b) the impact that leads you to continue to post and think about them in their absence.
Forum Rule # 298548
Forum Rule # 790
Good netiquette nannies are e-psychic and can address problems before they start. See that poster addressing a topic in a clear, reasonable, and rational manner? No way that's gonna last, right? Why wait for the blow-up when you can helpfully tell posters now that they are being overly emotional and abusive? Don't let denials deter you. Just keep repeating your netiquette nanny admonishments and pull out the righteous "I told you so" when they do eventually blow up.
"#1 rule.. Don't Post in the Bitch whine and Moan thread 30 seconds after you post in the Just Freaking Happy Thread!!!" - Mitch Wexler
"#2 rule..... If you don't understand a thread.....stand back from the keyboard until someone else posts to clear up your confusion..." - Mitch Wexler
Then I decided it looked like fun and I ran away with it.
Forum Rule # 91834746
Always assume posters WANT mediation. Assume they want it from you most of all. Every poster is secretly wishing for a forum Jimmy Carter to wade into the fray. Your successful negotiation of a refund from Subway Sandwich last week does qualify you to negotiate peace among 50 posters engaged in an 18-month forum feud. Dive right in!
Forum Rule # 91834747
Always assume all posters have some legal expertise. Assume you have legal expertise or knowledge too. Mention it with some frequency. Be sure to threaten legal action at least once per quarter. Under no circumstances should you acknowledge the potential silliness of a case that might be called DoubleJointedSexManiac v. DickSeekingDDTitFuck in an open court, nor the irony of a case that might be called SecretAvi v. Anonymouse.
Forum Rule # 91834748
Remember that it is perfectly acceptable to calll a felow poster a cunt or two question the mental capacity, sanity, sexual or religious preference, or quality of genitalia, of any fellow forum poster, but it is absolutely NOT acceptable too gently point out a typo or request that a thread title be edited to correct a misspelling. Keep your edits to yourself, thank you very much, ya fucking cuntrottedasstart.
Forum Rule # 91834749
Any post that is more than two sentences or twenty-five words long is suspect and should be met with one of the following responses:
1. Say what?
2. I didn't read that. (tl;dr)
3. Nanny-nanny boo-boo
4. Neener-neener
5. Cunt
Forum Rule # 91834750
Good posting comes in threes...just like blind mice and sneezes. Gesundheit!
Forum Rules # 748 - 803
You know you're a forum whore when...
http://www.utherverse.com/Forum/defa...869#post544869
http://thearchivisthere.blogspot.com/2011/08/you-know-youre-forum-whore-when.html
Forum Rule # 3
Polls without pie are incomplete and invalid.
Forum Rule # 6
Trolls before whores.
Forum Rule # 4
Lurking is for pussies. No stake-outs. No getting the lay of the land. Throw caution to the wind, you madcap blowhard. Dive right in. The water's fine and the sharks have chewed through the chum.
Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my head
Where ever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home
Forum Rule # 13
There's no crying in baseball or forum posting.
Forum Rule # 21
Everyone sees reason eventually. Just keep reading and posting.
Forum Rule # 198487
The moderators are here to keep the forums unsafe, insane, and insecure. If they ask you to do something, please do give it a moment's thought before completely ignoring it. Please do harass and intentionally annoy the mods. Please also feed them, take photos of them and stick fingers and sticks between the bars into their cages. Make faces at them too. Use baby talk when communicating with mods. Be wary of flying pooh flung in your direction. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to post here continuously like an obsessed idiot with no other choices.
Forum Rule # 3983269-2
Keep in mind that everybody on the forums has to see your sig file over and over every time you post. Make optimal use of this forum billboard. Make your sig file at least 60k in size with no less than three lengthy quotes of text. Use images larger than 400 pixels wide and 125 pixels high. Something schmaltzy, like a scene of you and your loved one getting it on is preferred. Add pizazz with rainbows, butterflies, hearts and glitter text. If it looked good on your Trapper notebook in the 7th grade, then it will be perfect in your siggy.
Forum Rule # 485716
You must choose a cause and defend it vigorously at every opportunity. The more obscure the better. Perhaps you'd like to support the indigenous people of Alaska and Canada, for example. Make sure you spell it "esquimaux" and not "eskimo" and watch hawkishly to ensure that others do as well. Correct those that spell it incorrectly and ask that they make a donation to an esquimaux housing fund. Post a quote or slogan with a picture or graphic representing your cause. Read forum posts carefully and protest with as much umbrage as you can generate in text indicating your outrage over people's intolerance and insensitivity when they blithely post words like "cool, cold, ice, igloo, blubber, fat, fur, polar, native and Indian." Express utter disbelief at the ignorance of people unaware of the plight, let alone location, of the Aleut, Inuit and Yupik groups. Agree with whatever JJ graciously & knowledgeably posts regarding esquimaux. (She is a Canadian, after all.) Design an esquimauxhawk and shirts for your avatar. Make sure your designs are included in your public 3D closet. When taking time off from the forums, explain your absence with heartfelt descriptions of your travels and your time helping to clothe, feed and shelter esquimaux in need. Thank anyone who acknowledges your efforts with flowery appreciation. Remind anyone who calls you a "cunt" of your work with the esquimaux.
Forum Rule # 4827
Chose an avatar or forum poster name from the Urban Dictionary. It could be something like "mantrum," "Gluntford" or "jfgi". When someone comments on it or jokes about it, make up a tragic story about how you chose that name to honor your brother/sister/cousin/spouse/left testicle who was killed/maimed/traumatized/torn off in a war, crime or horrific accident. Make sure you use the right ratio of both anger and sadness in your post. Go for as much guilt as possible. The goal is to render the other posters speechless and stop the thread cold. And to enjoy the discomfort you are causing everyone. Natch. Consider ways to capitalize on this fictional bomb in future threads. If you really want to take it to the next level, create an account for your fictional, heroic brother/sister/cousin/spouse/left testicle.
"<goes to create an account for "FuckWad's Left Nut"...>" - Fuckwad
Forum Rule # 4827a
Use a forum avatar picture of your recently deceased baby sister, brother, mentor, pet or some other highly-emotionally-charged entity in your life. Combine this with a nearly unpronounceable, unrecognizable or unwieldy forum name. Then use this potent combination to take umbrage any time some unsuspecting, innocent and possibly friendly and well-intended new forum member refers to you as "the bunny" (ya know, like the bunny in your identifying forum pic) or some other obvious nickname you made sure the oldest-tenured forum members knew not to call you some three or four years ago. The higher your forum registration stats, the more this simple tactic will catch flies for your toxic ointment. Check the trap daily. You're sure to get new ones. Bonus points for arranging to have old forum friends correct the new member with as much deep solemnity and loving concern for your welfare as possible. Collect apologies like trophies and count them during lulls in forum drama.
Mention some aspect of your character, personality or behavior frequently yourself, but flame anyone else who mentions it and show absolutely no inkling of the ridiculousness of that on a public forum where your post count is past triple digits. If you tend to post drunk a lot, for example, mention it every third post and point out that the alcohol is probably why so many of your posts are ditzy or hyperemotional. It should go a little like this. Post. Alcohol. Post. Alcohol. Post. Alcohol. Oopsies. I posted a silly cuz I was tipsy. Oopsies. Wuuut? Ooopsies. Hee. WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CALLING ME A DRUNK, YOU CONDESCENDING, JUDGMENTAL LOWLIFE SHUT-IN SHITHEAD!?! Develop a whole persona around that. The fun will last for years and you can always upgrade to chapter two, recovery and redemption, if you get bored.
Forum Rule # 328975
You automatically gain ground, credibility and sympathy when you pull a sick or hurt friend, relative or self into a forum argument from left field. People employ this tactic often for a reason. Don't let cynicism, saturation, or even actual facts get in the way of employing this time-honored stratagem. Everyone needs a Bunbury sometime.
Forum Rule # 298372
People have short memories. It is absolutely not necessary to go to the trouble of keeping continuity notes or changing avatar or poster names when you change your mind, character, picture, story or what-have-you. Just plow on through. People will roll with you. And if they don't, well then you have an opportunity for umbrage. Bonus!
Forum Rule # 88176
Falling again under the heading "people have short memories," don't feel any pressure to be original in your thinking or posting. There is no "decent interval" to wait between posting something that is basically a rip-off of someone else's argument, post or thread. It's the forums, for heaven's sake. Everything is public and fair game. Anything that smacks of plagiarism or imitation is actually flattery and efficiency. "Yeah, what she said," "nanny, nanny, boo, boo," "You're a troll," "I know you are, but what am I?" are all legitimate, and in some circles, witty retorts.
Forum Rule # 32
An indiscriminate and prodigious use of the word "cunt" will be routinely well-received and may even have charms that calm the savage poster.
Forum Rule # 4.5a
The crazier the better.
Forum Rule # 4937
If you have less than 45 forum account names, then you are doing it wrong. Don't forget to have your accounts talk to each other in threads. Your multiple selves and imaginary friends are the best and most loyal friends you have...after all, blood is thicker than water and your own blood is thickest of all..wait...that's not quite...Well, you get the idea.
Forum Rule # 5658
A public huff is sexy stuff.
Forum Rule # 6585
Tried and True Troll Tactics
- Point out that the posters you are baiting are hiding behind a cartoon or avatar.
- Tell the posters about the obvious loneliness, lack of intelligence and character they are displaying while displaying your own bad character, obliviousness to your typos, bad spelling and grammar and leaps or complete lack of logic.
- Tell everyone that you have been harassed and/or virtually assaulted or raped.
- Tell everyone that you have received hate mail and hate calls and that the authorities have been alerted and are currently tracking down the very real and clearly evil person or persons hiding behind the cartoon or avatar who has been leaving those threatening messages.
- Tell everyone about the recent devastating hardships in your life. Someone should be in the hospital and someone else should be dead. An additional person at home needing your constant care and obvious sacrifices is de rigueur.
- Tell everyone and anyone who is not 100% supportive of your posts that their rude and callous comments show "how you people really are."
- Tell them to look in the mirror, take a shower, go outside, get a life, grow up, seek medical or psychological help, stop bullying people, taunting people, accusing people of things, defaming, slandering, lying and a litany of other horrible and shameful offenses and maybe throw in something about God and spiritual guidance too.
- In a move made with as much dramatically righteous nanny-nanny-boo-booism as you have been able to muster since your youthful days on the playground, tell the other posters that you have contacted the owners of the forum, the 3D world you are playing in, the authorities, and Al Gore, the inventor of the internet, and told them all about the nasty, mean old posters who are plaguing you now by merely responding to your irrational, attention-seeking posts.
- Tell everyone that you will contact these people in a position of authority daily until action is taken against all the people who wronged you in the ether.
A problem with a trolls in the forums
Forum Rule # 666
After you have bored or frustrated any and all posters who had any electrical activity pulsing through their brains right out the door and onto other forums with slightly more humor and rational content, be sure to a) compliment yourself on your success and powah and b) invoke their names with the same obsessive, self-righteous, attention-seeking, shallow, bottom-feeding whinyness you employed when those posters still frequented what is now your sad little sandbox.
Make no effort at any futile self-reflection that might lead you to realize that the true power lies with those who had a) the intelligence, common sense and wherewithal to abandon the obnoxious troll baby and it's toxic sandbox and b) the impact that leads you to continue to post and think about them in their absence.
Forum Rule # 298548
- You can't properly enjoy a flounce if you don't go back and observe the results. It's like cooking a meal and not watching people enjoy eating it.
- Any time you tell someone that this is your last or final reply to that person, you are required by forum law to go back and reply to their response to your final reply.
Forum Rule # 92781
Be sure to comment stridently and with great authority on any post referencing a book you have not actually read. This bit of netiquette has a great deal of precedent (not to mention supporters) to back it up and overrides any antiquated notion of logic, ethics, courtesy or rationality propagated by bleeding-heart purists. Remember...people value your opinions more than the facts.
Forum Rule # 6586
Most posters are grown men with no social skills living in their mothers' basements. Be sure and remind them of this as they are also very forgetful.
Forum Rule # 6587
The best insults are the most trite insults. Remember...in the ether, trite is right, in fact, trite is might.
Forum Rule # 1928
Regardless of whether the OP has already received a helpful answer, or is indeed in the correct forum for the question, tell the poster that he or she has "come to the wrong place" based solely on the fact that you and your friends do not share the posters tastes or opinions. I mean really, a forum is about the regulars in the end, isn't it?
Forum Rule # 11
Just Fucking Google It (JFGI).
Forum Rule # 12
Don't Google it. Just ask the question in open forum and let hundreds of enablers answer the question for you. You can get the answer and do a good deed for the day. Bonus!
Forum Rule # 4512
You should never, ever, under any circumstances return to a thread and thank people for their helpful replies or let them know which of the posted suggestions worked for you. Keep 'em guessing. It's part of the forum fun.
Forum Rule #10
Yes, Virginia, forums are the place to exert the superiority and authority you do not have in life. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, your snarky words will continue to make glad the hearts of forum whores and sad the hearts of noobs. Isn't that comforting?
Be sure to comment stridently and with great authority on any post referencing a book you have not actually read. This bit of netiquette has a great deal of precedent (not to mention supporters) to back it up and overrides any antiquated notion of logic, ethics, courtesy or rationality propagated by bleeding-heart purists. Remember...people value your opinions more than the facts.
Forum Rule # 6586
Most posters are grown men with no social skills living in their mothers' basements. Be sure and remind them of this as they are also very forgetful.
Forum Rule # 6587
The best insults are the most trite insults. Remember...in the ether, trite is right, in fact, trite is might.
Forum Rule # 1928
Regardless of whether the OP has already received a helpful answer, or is indeed in the correct forum for the question, tell the poster that he or she has "come to the wrong place" based solely on the fact that you and your friends do not share the posters tastes or opinions. I mean really, a forum is about the regulars in the end, isn't it?
Forum Rule # 11
Just Fucking Google It (JFGI).
Forum Rule # 12
Don't Google it. Just ask the question in open forum and let hundreds of enablers answer the question for you. You can get the answer and do a good deed for the day. Bonus!
Forum Rule # 4512
You should never, ever, under any circumstances return to a thread and thank people for their helpful replies or let them know which of the posted suggestions worked for you. Keep 'em guessing. It's part of the forum fun.
Forum Rule #10
Yes, Virginia, forums are the place to exert the superiority and authority you do not have in life. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, your snarky words will continue to make glad the hearts of forum whores and sad the hearts of noobs. Isn't that comforting?
Forum Rule # 769
Develop an irrational hatred of all posters interested or engaged in activities involving BDSM, diminutive avatars, emos, Fairies, Furries, Goreans, noobs and Vampires. Criticize them viciously and derail their threads. It's a popular hobby and you will likely meet many nice people that way. Remember what Sookie said in True Blood? "I'm a fairy? That's so fucking lame."
Forum Rule # 774
Confirmation bias, attitude polarization, selective exposure, self-fulfilling prophecies, self-verification, self-enhancement, intolerance and wishful thinking; know them, love them, use them. Ah, never mind. You don't need to know them. You'll do what comes naturally.
Develop an irrational hatred of all posters interested or engaged in activities involving BDSM, diminutive avatars, emos, Fairies, Furries, Goreans, noobs and Vampires. Criticize them viciously and derail their threads. It's a popular hobby and you will likely meet many nice people that way. Remember what Sookie said in True Blood? "I'm a fairy? That's so fucking lame."
Forum Rule # 774
Confirmation bias, attitude polarization, selective exposure, self-fulfilling prophecies, self-verification, self-enhancement, intolerance and wishful thinking; know them, love them, use them. Ah, never mind. You don't need to know them. You'll do what comes naturally.
Forum Rule # 3337
Forum posters were not created equal. Under no circumstances should you take what you dish out.
Forum Rule # 5
There is no such thing as "private."
Forum Rule #15
People in the virtual world tend to get deeply disturbed by a sense of being excluded. Do what you can to reach out and touch many people effectively and efficiently by using language and techniques that marginalize other posters.
Forum Rule # 2827
Make your posts long with lots of words and no paragraph breaks. No one will read your posts, so you won't have to deal with opposition or insult, and you will look intelligent and thoughtful.
Forum Rule # 2868
Pay no attention to netiquette nannies who tell you not to post in all caps because it is the internet equivalent of shouting. Everyone knows the victory goes to the loudest.
Forum Rule # 2869
Also ignore netiquette nannies who tell you to search the forums to see if a topic has already been covered or to read all the posts in a thread to see if an identical response has already been given or the question has been adequately answered. Its a complete waste of your time. Repetition is the lifeblood of any forum and there is no early bird getting the worm in the ether. The best posts are the last posts, the loudest posts, the most popular posts, the posts from the posters who have been posting the longest and...wait, what am I saying? The best posts are always yours.
Forum Rule # 52869
Dingbats. Dingbats are criminally underutilized in forums. Don't ignore the dingbats. The dingbat you save may be your own.
Forum posters were not created equal. Under no circumstances should you take what you dish out.
Forum Rule # 5
There is no such thing as "private."
Forum Rule #15
People in the virtual world tend to get deeply disturbed by a sense of being excluded. Do what you can to reach out and touch many people effectively and efficiently by using language and techniques that marginalize other posters.
Forum Rule # 2827
Make your posts long with lots of words and no paragraph breaks. No one will read your posts, so you won't have to deal with opposition or insult, and you will look intelligent and thoughtful.
Forum Rule # 2868
Pay no attention to netiquette nannies who tell you not to post in all caps because it is the internet equivalent of shouting. Everyone knows the victory goes to the loudest.
Forum Rule # 2869
Also ignore netiquette nannies who tell you to search the forums to see if a topic has already been covered or to read all the posts in a thread to see if an identical response has already been given or the question has been adequately answered. Its a complete waste of your time. Repetition is the lifeblood of any forum and there is no early bird getting the worm in the ether. The best posts are the last posts, the loudest posts, the most popular posts, the posts from the posters who have been posting the longest and...wait, what am I saying? The best posts are always yours.
Forum Rule # 52869
Dingbats. Dingbats are criminally underutilized in forums. Don't ignore the dingbats. The dingbat you save may be your own.
"Um... please to be excused but forums are full of dingbats anyway." - Stephie
Forum Rule # 789
Join as many adult (18+) forums as possible and appoint yourself the language nanny. Admonish anyone who includes words like asshole, bastard, bitch, bugger, cock, cocksucker, crap, cunt, dick, fart, fuck, hell, motherfucker, piss, prick, shit, teabag, tits, turd and twat in their posts. Note that this is not an all-inclusive list. Reserve the right to get sniffy about legitimate terms like anus, clitoris, dike, feces, penetration, penis, rectum, scrotum, sphincter and vagina. Don't let alternate or misspelled words deter you from your righteous ire.
Don't forget that at least 25% of the posters on your forums are female and another 45% are males with female avatars. Both are to be considered protected classes, thereby making any use of a female-related offensive word an automatic code-red forum hate crime punishable by the full force of your fury.
Everyone knows that whether one is biologically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically or pixelly a women, one is automatically in a disadvantaged position in need of defense, particularly against the horror and possible devastation wrought by words in anonymous forum posts.
You, as the language nanny knight, can figuratively ride into the breach and rescue the fairer forum posters and reap the rewards of your chivalry. Actually, there is nothing figurative about it. Just as a forum post assault can amount to a virtual rape, so too, can your heroism amount to a virtual rescue.
Go forth and be brave language nanny knight. The internet will remember your sacrifices.
Join as many adult (18+) forums as possible and appoint yourself the language nanny. Admonish anyone who includes words like asshole, bastard, bitch, bugger, cock, cocksucker, crap, cunt, dick, fart, fuck, hell, motherfucker, piss, prick, shit, teabag, tits, turd and twat in their posts. Note that this is not an all-inclusive list. Reserve the right to get sniffy about legitimate terms like anus, clitoris, dike, feces, penetration, penis, rectum, scrotum, sphincter and vagina. Don't let alternate or misspelled words deter you from your righteous ire.
Don't forget that at least 25% of the posters on your forums are female and another 45% are males with female avatars. Both are to be considered protected classes, thereby making any use of a female-related offensive word an automatic code-red forum hate crime punishable by the full force of your fury.
Everyone knows that whether one is biologically, emotionally, mentally, psychologically or pixelly a women, one is automatically in a disadvantaged position in need of defense, particularly against the horror and possible devastation wrought by words in anonymous forum posts.
You, as the language nanny knight, can figuratively ride into the breach and rescue the fairer forum posters and reap the rewards of your chivalry. Actually, there is nothing figurative about it. Just as a forum post assault can amount to a virtual rape, so too, can your heroism amount to a virtual rescue.
Go forth and be brave language nanny knight. The internet will remember your sacrifices.
Forum Rule # 790
Good netiquette nannies are e-psychic and can address problems before they start. See that poster addressing a topic in a clear, reasonable, and rational manner? No way that's gonna last, right? Why wait for the blow-up when you can helpfully tell posters now that they are being overly emotional and abusive? Don't let denials deter you. Just keep repeating your netiquette nanny admonishments and pull out the righteous "I told you so" when they do eventually blow up.
Forum Rule # 54632
All posters with low post counts are obvious trolls, particularly if they don't agree with you or if they criticize the ennui-suffering ruling elite for their jaded post bashing, or, as we like to call it, "educating and enlightening noobs." Make no room for the erroneous assumption that a poster with a low post count is simply new to the forum. That's not logic. It's pure tosh. Propaganda from Pollyannas. It must be not only disregarded, but decisively nipped in the bud.
All posters with a high post count are Gods, gurus, mentors or phenoms and should be automatically treated with the appropriate respect and fear. Now that's logic. Bow down before the ones you serve, knaves.
Forum Rule #1372
Forum Tip # 13
You're gonna need this:
Forum Rule # 14
Put someone on ignore. Read all of their posts anyway. You know you want to. Then quote them and remind them that you have them on ignore. Gloat. Make no reference to the obvious contradiction.
Thanks, Midge.
All posters with low post counts are obvious trolls, particularly if they don't agree with you or if they criticize the ennui-suffering ruling elite for their jaded post bashing, or, as we like to call it, "educating and enlightening noobs." Make no room for the erroneous assumption that a poster with a low post count is simply new to the forum. That's not logic. It's pure tosh. Propaganda from Pollyannas. It must be not only disregarded, but decisively nipped in the bud.
All posters with a high post count are Gods, gurus, mentors or phenoms and should be automatically treated with the appropriate respect and fear. Now that's logic. Bow down before the ones you serve, knaves.
Forum Rule # 3983269-3
If you partner up with another poster on the forum, be sure to take a lovely couple photo of the two of you together in some romantic or playful setting and then upload it as your forum avatar...both of you...the same picture... showing how in sync and together and in love and one you are together. Then spend the two months that you are together correcting people when they post in response to your partner thinking it is you and vice versa.
Forum Rule # 985
A forum is like a biker bar in the hardscrabble of Texas. You should scope out the alpha male big fish in the forum pond and then take him on by picking a fight in a well-established thread where all the regulars hang out. Don't forget that bikers have bitches, so you'll need to give them a good slap too. If you win, you will be the new big-swinging dick in town and the bitches will be yours and you can mount the other guy's head on your trophy wall in your sig. Cyber punks throughout the forum will revere you, noobs will quake in fear, forum arm candy will fawn over you and people will begin to take what you post at face value regardless of how ludicrous it is or how out-of-your-mind fucking drunk you were when you posted it. Posts are forever and you will have achieved immortality. If you lose, you can log in with an alt. Many people just skip that step and declare themselves full of win and enjoy their delusions. The online world is a fantasy world, after all. It's all good.
Adopt an educated British forum persona. Deride anyone who does not post using the Queen's English and rhetoric befitting the Oxford Union Society. Express nostalgia for the days of heroic meter and chancery standard. Hear William F. Buckley, Jr. in your mind's ear as you compose your puckish posts for the forum firing line. (Never mind that Buckley was an American.) Develop a singular stylistic affectation, such as parenthetical statements, Middle English spellings or fulsome footnotes, thereby demonstrating your Wildean wit and an individual identity that will herald your cybercelebrity status. You should make references to a respected career as a lawyer, professor or writer. As a fully-realized renaissance man, you should also describe your days as a lothario and sportsman on no less than a national championship level. Consider character options such as an early career in the military and the ability to fly a helicopter, captain a boat or whip up a gourmet meal or tease a concerto out of a piano or violin. Remember that many posters on international boards are Anglophiles. Drop some crumpet crumbs and they'll follow you anywhere..even to an illogical conclusion.
Forum Rule #827
Perhaps you've heard of the book, "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." This basic concept is true for forums too. For example, consider these time-tested forum actions:
1. Identify the primary authority on the forum and tattletale to that authority loudly and often.
2. Roll your eyes dramatically and groan at anything you think is icky or you just plain don't like or don't understand.
3. Say "nannynannybooboo" to any forum posters acting like poopooheads.
4. Expect and monitor (rigidly) fair and equal distribution of punishments and rewards among your fellow posters at all times.
5. Laugh hysterically at toilet humor.
6. Cry.
7. Pout.
8. Throw a tantrum.
9. Storm out of the forum.
10. Soil yourself.
11. Constantly touch other posters to annoy them.
12. Get "time-outs" for inappropriate behavior.
Forums are the perfect place to express that repressed inner child the New Age movement was trying to reconnect you with all along.
Perhaps you've heard of the book, "All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." This basic concept is true for forums too. For example, consider these time-tested forum actions:
1. Identify the primary authority on the forum and tattletale to that authority loudly and often.
2. Roll your eyes dramatically and groan at anything you think is icky or you just plain don't like or don't understand.
3. Say "nannynannybooboo" to any forum posters acting like poopooheads.
4. Expect and monitor (rigidly) fair and equal distribution of punishments and rewards among your fellow posters at all times.
5. Laugh hysterically at toilet humor.
6. Cry.
7. Pout.
8. Throw a tantrum.
9. Storm out of the forum.
10. Soil yourself.
11. Constantly touch other posters to annoy them.
12. Get "time-outs" for inappropriate behavior.
Forums are the perfect place to express that repressed inner child the New Age movement was trying to reconnect you with all along.
You're gonna need this:
Forum Rule #829
This is the "Lost in Translation" stealth tactic. It's extremely effective and almost impossible to screw up as any mistake you make can be attributed to a translation error or cultural misunderstanding.
Create a non-English speaking persona on an English-language forum. Enter like a lamb, but go out like a lion. Start by announcing yourself in a random thread, preferably not one of the "welcome" or "introduction" threads set up for that purpose. Be friendly, say hello, tell people that English is not your first language, but be vague about what is supposedly your first language so you don't have to pull out the Babelfish too soon for any poster who might actually speak that other language. Then sweetly entreat the posters on the forum to be gentle with you because your English is not very good. Enthusiastically and ingratiatingly thank welcoming responders. Make random nonsensical, but sweetly toned posts. Bask in the positive attention of anyone who "reps" your posts or responds to your rambling with even the remotest effort to understand.
Begin the next phase by identifying a cause or poster to attack and then latch on like a pitbull. Discrimination is the obvious choice, as are any of the American posters since they tend to be the most defensive. Perhaps the forum has a policy or poster vulnerable to twisted-logic attacks and accusations of bias or bigotry. Begin a relentless campaign filled with dramatic outrage and tossed word salad dressed with random emoticons. Even your most malignant posts should be served up with plenty of verbal sugar and jumbled playground insults. It's a delicate balancing act. The result you are going for is to confuse some posters, convince some posters that you are innocently charming with a slightly surreal sense of humor, and to completely irritate other posters.
Something like this should get the ball rolling.
"Hello. I see posters here are so very smart, yes? I really do not care. anyway i am know often that some do not get my brown belt joke. maybe if i have puck lips for butt rocks you like my say. Aggressing and discriminating against posters is a shameful crime. You laugh out your ass, but you have not heart or brain. Ja ja ja. You not know how to say more than that. Kiss kiss pretty posters."
As you work into the third phase, be sure to work in jabs at American politics, policies and culture as well as criticisms of the forum administration and moderation. Ask that your threads be "stickied" as a warning to others. Remember that the "Lost in Translation" tactic is a stealth tactic and not a full-on frontal assault, so you will want to thrust, feint, parry and kiss kiss.
Forum Rule # 17
It is widely believed that the use of "yawns" and yawning or sleeping smilies will tranquilize the biggest and baddest of raging and ranting forum bulls. It's very difficult to ascertain the truth of this as most of the people who've used the tactic have been run over.
Forum Rule # 18
Call everyone a liar and tell them that they lie. It doesn't matter if people actually do or not. This is completely beside the point.
This is the "Lost in Translation" stealth tactic. It's extremely effective and almost impossible to screw up as any mistake you make can be attributed to a translation error or cultural misunderstanding.
Create a non-English speaking persona on an English-language forum. Enter like a lamb, but go out like a lion. Start by announcing yourself in a random thread, preferably not one of the "welcome" or "introduction" threads set up for that purpose. Be friendly, say hello, tell people that English is not your first language, but be vague about what is supposedly your first language so you don't have to pull out the Babelfish too soon for any poster who might actually speak that other language. Then sweetly entreat the posters on the forum to be gentle with you because your English is not very good. Enthusiastically and ingratiatingly thank welcoming responders. Make random nonsensical, but sweetly toned posts. Bask in the positive attention of anyone who "reps" your posts or responds to your rambling with even the remotest effort to understand.
Begin the next phase by identifying a cause or poster to attack and then latch on like a pitbull. Discrimination is the obvious choice, as are any of the American posters since they tend to be the most defensive. Perhaps the forum has a policy or poster vulnerable to twisted-logic attacks and accusations of bias or bigotry. Begin a relentless campaign filled with dramatic outrage and tossed word salad dressed with random emoticons. Even your most malignant posts should be served up with plenty of verbal sugar and jumbled playground insults. It's a delicate balancing act. The result you are going for is to confuse some posters, convince some posters that you are innocently charming with a slightly surreal sense of humor, and to completely irritate other posters.
Something like this should get the ball rolling.
"Hello. I see posters here are so very smart, yes? I really do not care. anyway i am know often that some do not get my brown belt joke. maybe if i have puck lips for butt rocks you like my say. Aggressing and discriminating against posters is a shameful crime. You laugh out your ass, but you have not heart or brain. Ja ja ja. You not know how to say more than that. Kiss kiss pretty posters."
As you work into the third phase, be sure to work in jabs at American politics, policies and culture as well as criticisms of the forum administration and moderation. Ask that your threads be "stickied" as a warning to others. Remember that the "Lost in Translation" tactic is a stealth tactic and not a full-on frontal assault, so you will want to thrust, feint, parry and kiss kiss.
Forum Rule # 17
It is widely believed that the use of "yawns" and yawning or sleeping smilies will tranquilize the biggest and baddest of raging and ranting forum bulls. It's very difficult to ascertain the truth of this as most of the people who've used the tactic have been run over.
Forum Rule # 18
Call everyone a liar and tell them that they lie. It doesn't matter if people actually do or not. This is completely beside the point.
Forum Rule # 14
Put someone on ignore. Read all of their posts anyway. You know you want to. Then quote them and remind them that you have them on ignore. Gloat. Make no reference to the obvious contradiction.
Thanks, Midge.
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